Whitney Huston

 Believes, Does, Says  No Responses »
Feb 202012
 

The family of Whitney Huston did a very fine job of trying to honor her life at the “church” service that was held in the New Hope Baptist Church in Newark, NJ on February 18, 2012. Initially it was planned to be a “private” service for her family and specially invited friends and guests, but because of public interest in her funeral and public acclaim for her musical accomplishments, the service was opened to the public through the eyes of TV cameras. And it was broadcast non-stop without commercial interruptions for almost 4 hours. That by itself is a mark of great honor.

Many of Whitney’s relatives, special associates in her musical and film career, friends, and fellow church members sincerely expressed personal words of praise and appreciation for her amazing voice and musical talent, her beauty, her friendly spirit, and her faith in God. It was especially noted by Rev. Marvin Winas, who gave the eulogy, that she “loved the Lord” and Kevin Costner indicated that she was “good enough” to star with him in the film, “Bodyguard”.

But all of these words of respect and praise for Whitney’s amazing voice and accomplishments could not remove the imprint on her life that her death on February 11th at the age of 48 was an “untimely” conclusion to her life and that she had not completely been able to achieve victory over the addictions that hampered her career and her life. And the fact that these “imprints” have been attached to the lives of other pop stars like Michael Jackson and Elvis Presley and others only reinforces the difficulties that there are in anyone’s efforts to “honor” another human being, because no one is “perfect”.

During the week between her death and her funeral, the media was filled with stories of her accomplishments and renditions of her great songs. But during that week thousands of other individuals died “untimely” deaths from misused prescription drugs, addictions, accidents, assaults in war zones or dangerous neighborhoods, and abortions. And each of these deaths touched other families and left “holes” in the lives of relatives and friends who struggled with the challenges of trying to “honor” them.

I think that our culture and society has a somewhat “cheap” regard for human life and there are really very few individuals who are being recognized with lasting “honor” for the qualities of their character as well as their accomplishments. What do you think of this matter? How should families and friends bring “honor” to their dead members and associates? Does great talent cancel the curse of addictions in one’s life? Let’s talk about this.

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 Posted by Bob1 at 6:26 pm  Tagged with: dying, family members, friendship, grief, memories, personal efforts, public acclaim, relationships, untimely deaths, violence, whitney huston, words of praise

Good manners

 Believes, Does, Says  2 Responses »
Apr 032011
 

Good manners are one of the primary supporting qualities for civilized behavior between people. Good manners provide attitudes and behavior that demonstrate personal respect for others, even those who are “different”. Good manners demonstrate a person’s respect for law and order between people and within groups of people, including neighborhoods, communities, and nations.

Good manners can seldom be consistently required by the force of laws. Parents or police departments cannot always require by the force of punishment that their children or the citizens of their communities treat each other with good manners. They can’t require others to say “please” and “thank you” when making personal exchanges of resources, doing business, or just trying to get along with each other. And they certainly can’t require people to say “I’m sorry” when they have been rude, disrespectful, or unkind to some one else.

Good manners are taught to children and reinforced with adults by lessons for good manners that are conducted by living day by day in families where good manners are consistently practiced. Individuals are not going to be taught such lessons in schools or in on-the-job-training workshops.

And lessons for good manners may not even be personally learned and put into practice if they come from the teachings of various religions and groups of their practitioners. Centuries of history have demonstrated how difficult it is for Christians and Jews to consistently live in close proximity to each other without them experiencing some incidents of prejudice or disrespectful behavior. And the examples of this difficulty become more evident when the groups represent Christians and Muslims or even Protestants and Catholics. It appears that many people, including many Christians and Jews, have not really learned the lesson that Jesus was trying to teach the crowd of people who followed him around that they should “do to others what you would have them do to you” (Matthew 7:12). And his summary of God’s laws, with the second summary commandment being to “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31) has not been easy to keep for any of his followers.

Two recent incidents in distant communities and cultures demonstrate the consequences of people’s failure to practice good manners in human civilized behavior in our world. The burning of a copy of the Quran by pastor Wayne Sapp, an associate of pastor Terry Jones, at the Dove World Outreach Center in Gainesville, FL on March 20, 2011, was used by a group of Muslim in Mazar-e Sharif Afghanistan to stage a riot and to attack a group of innocent residents killing many, including some humanitarian workers from the U.N. Violent riots like these in Afghanistan and disrespectful protests like that of these pastors in Florida are common reminders of the consequences that we all face as we try to live with other people who are “different” from us without practicing good manners.

Good manners have a lot to do with respect for what people consider to be “holy” in their lives. They teach respect for “doors”, personal property, and borders. They serve as guides for good communication, even between people who may not agree with each other regarding the matter being considered or discussed.

Why is it so hard for individuals to learn and to consistently practice good manners with others? What needs to be done to more effectively teach the lessons regarding personal respect for others and law and order in our civil lives together that are represented by good manners? Let’s talk about this.

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 Posted by Bob1 at 5:29 pm  Tagged with: angry citizens, consequences, good manners, good neighbors, law and order, peace on earth, personal attitudes, relationships, violence, wise words

Good memories

 Believes, Does, Feels, Thinks  No Responses »
Feb 042011
 

Everyone needs to have some good memories. They can give a person a boast on a gloomy day or when you are caught in a depressing mood. And I think that a person must have some good memories in order to form a good self image.  Parts of  various good memories will be used to form your perception of who you are and how you fit into your world.

You don’t have to spend a long time in a reflective thought in order to benefit from a good memory.  Sometimes just the flash of it across your mind will be enough. But it helps if the good memories are vivid enough and strong enough to be easily available when needed.

I assume that good memories are generated by good experiences, which would be experiences in which you received some positive benefit. And good memories probably come out of relationships, so they probably focus on some positive experience that you had with another person. Although I’m sure that it is possible to have a good memory of a time or place or situation when you were alone, and you had a particularly good experience being there by yourself.

Of course good memories are personal treasures. They are absolutely private. No one can invade them, steal them, manipulate them, or even know about them without your permission. Some drugs or psychological techniques can uncover them to others to some extent, but the memories will always be yours.

Photographs and diaries and journals and scrap books and things like those can help to preserve some good memories, but please note that the permanence of such things is never guaranteed. People have lost generations of family photos and personal records in fires and floods and divorces and other personal tragedies. But memories that are stored in one’s mind cannot be destroyed by such circumstances. Dementia caused by Alzheimer’s disease or a stroke or an injury to one’s brain can affect a person’s memories, which often adds a heavy psychological burden to the otherwise physical discomforts of such diseases or injuries. But such personal afflictions are not regular traumas for most people.

So it is well to protect good memories, but what can a person do who may not have many in the first place? A lot of good memories are created by a happy childhood, but not everyone may have had  that blessing.  And sometimes the youth years are full of new tribulations, and the glorious of young adult independence and graduations and weddings and the fulfillment of career ambitions may not be sustained by many good strong memories. What can a person do when the supply of good memories is very scarce?

As long as a person has the mental capacity to make choices, he or she can be selective in what features or experiences in one’s past one wants to dwell upon. If most of your experiences have been negative or not particularly beneficial, don’t go back there very often or stay there very long. Use your present moment for something that is positive. And a good memory may just be buried under a bunch of “garbage” or some “trash” that should have been discarded a long time ago.  Dig through the “garbage” or the “trash” to find that small “gem” of fleeting friendship or personal victory or a moment of laughter that can provide you with a good memory. For some such small “gems”, I invite you to check out some very brief statements that I have written regarding “good news”. You can read them here: good news.

What do you think is the best source of good memories? What are some of the good memories that bless you? How can a person protect them? What can a person do when he or she only has a very few in his or her “treasure” chest. Let’s talk about this.

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 Posted by Bob1 at 1:10 pm  Tagged with: a matter of opinion, Alzheimer's disease, dementia, depression, encouragement, good feelings, memories, moods, personal treasures, relationships

A good home

 About where one, Buys, Lives, Receives  No Responses »
Dec 122010
 

Home is a special place, and of course everyone wants one that is good. But no one has the privilege of choosing the home into which he or she is born. And during the first decade or so of one’s life, there isn’t much that anyone can do to change one’s home.

It is nice if one’s home is comfortable, cozy and warm when it needs to be and fresh and cool when it needs to be. It is generally expected that one’s home is a safe place in which to be. And that safety would probably be provided by the adult residents of the home who love each other and you and your siblings. So a home is expected to be a comfortable and safe place in which a family can live in loving relationships. It is these qualities that make a home different than a house, which is only a physical structure.

But everyone may not have a good home, a special place where they can be comfortable and safe. Some people today are “homeless”, which means that they don’t have a personal permanent comfortable and safe place in which to live. Some infants and young boys and girls have been denied the blessings of living in the home of the parents to whom they were born, so they are orphans. Maybe some of them have been adopted by other adults who will provide them with a home, which should be a comfortable and safe and loving place in which they live.

In this holiday season of the year, and during this time of extensive economic stress and uncertainty, it is well to give some thought to what makes for a good home. What makes your home good? How much “stuff” does it take to make a home good? What could make it better? Let’s talk about this.

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 Posted by Bob1 at 4:57 pm  Tagged with: dependent relationship, economic stress, family members, financial crisis, good feelings, homeless, orphans, relationships

A good self image

 Believes, Does, Feels, Sees, Thinks, Wants  1 Response »
Oct 302010
 

Everyone needs to feel good about themselves. But such feelings are not acquired automatically. They begin to be felt as a growing child develops a sense of his or her place as an individual in the social structure of a family. The initial feelings are generated by the child’s perceived relationship with his or her parents and how they treat him or her. The child knows that it is good to be cared for and loved, so initially that produces a good self image. But then as the situation in the home changes, another child or more enters the social circle and the issue of competition is felt, the initial good feelings may be impaired or threatened. Or the busy schedule of the parents begins to interfere with the caring attention that they can give to the child, and he or she may begin to wonder why and conclude that something must be wrong with him or her. And this effort to be loved and to be accepted in one’s social circle continues as the child’s circle of other individuals expands to include other relatives, other children outside of the family, classmates in school, and associates in the work place. An individual is constantly striving to achieve and to maintain a good self image.

Part of your self image is generated by how you are treated by others. But it is also affected by what you see when you look into a mirror. In one’s struggle to achieve and to maintain a good self image, when that image is damaged or impaired, it is natural to begin to wonder what is wrong. And one of the first places an insecure person may look for an answer to this question is in a mirror. They may conclude that there must be something wrong with the way I look that causes people around me to reject me or to be mean to me or to withdraw their love from me. Individuals who are going through such a crisis of appearance may go to a lot of effort and expense to try to improve how they look so that they can win the acceptance of those who are important to them in their social circle.

Or if they are a child with limited resources to make some changes that they think might help to solve this problem, they may become depressed or very angry with their inability to improve their social situation and their self image. We all know individuals who are struggling with poor self images or we have gone through times of such struggles ourselves. Perhaps we’ve seen the struggle in our teen-aged children as they try to find their places in a very critical crowd of other teenagers. Or we face the issue and the questions as we try to adjust to a broken marriage or a lost job.

And in many cases where an individual is struggling with a poor self image, he or she seeks to find something that will enable him or her to escape the bad feelings, something that will dull the pains, cloud the bad image in the mirror, or attract some attention that may for a moment provide some experience of being accepted. For many girls and women that personal commodity is sex. For many boys and men the solution to this problem is found in drugs or violence.

What do you think helps a person to develop and to maintain a good self image? What can a person do to correct a poor self image? What should parents be doing to help their children grow up with a good self image? Let’s talk about this.

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 Posted by Bob1 at 4:45 pm  Tagged with: a matter of opinion, depression, family members, good feelings, moods, personal attitudes, psychological problems, relationship, relationships, self image

Good relations

 Does, Says  2 Responses »
Aug 252010
 

Everyone wants to have good relations, especially with family members and a few friends. Isn’t that right? But they apparently are not automatically established. Individuals are different, even those in the same family. They do not always see things in the same way. They may often respond to circumstances and encounters differently. And individuals are subject to changes in their moods, interests, and needs as they grow older. So establishing good relations is an ongoing challenging process, but it is an important part of being a human and living with other humans.

What are the qualities that are present in good relations? What do you think that it takes to establish good relations with other individuals? What personal  attitudes and behavior are necessary within and from individuals if they are going to be able to establish and to maintain good relations with others?

I would suggest that a person who wants to have good relations with others must first be a person who has the virtue of  character. Then he or she must be able and willing to share the gifts of forgiveness and encouragement to others for their offensive actions and attitudes and their efforts to make good changes in their lives and relationships. For further insight into these qualities see these statements on my website: “character”, “forgiveness”, and “encouragement”. Let’s talk about this.

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 Posted by Bob1 at 9:19 am  Tagged with: a matter of opinion, encouragement, family members, moods, personal attitudes, relationships

A good photo

 About Christianity, Does, Sees, Wants  2 Responses »
Jul 182010
 

Just Married

Just married

(Christof Stache, AFP/Getty Images / July 14, 2010)

Germany’s defender Philipp Lahm kisses his wife Claudia, former Claudia Schattenberg, in a carriage after their marriage in the church of Kleinhelfendorf in southern Germany. Lahm came back from the FIFA world Cup in South Africa on July 12, where his team placed third.

This was one of 118 photos that was published by the Chicago Tribune in a feature entitled “Photos in the News” on their website for July 14, 2010. Viewers were invited to leave comments regarding the photo in the feature.

I did not leave a comment, but I thought that this might be appropriate: “Congratulations to a VERY happy couple”.  Or maybe this would be appropriate: “Oops, another ‘wardrobe malfunction’.

What do you think? What would you comment about this photo? Is this a good photo?

Perhaps Philipp and his new bride, Claudia, would be more pleased to have this photo in their personal album of photos from their wedding where they could reflect on the moment through the years and share it and other pictures with members of their families and other friends than to have it published on the Internet for all the world to see.

Philipp and Claudia are obviously a very happy and beautiful couple, as the photographer caught them in this special moment following their wedding.  But this photo has a lot more to illustrate than just the joy of the moment.

I would invite you to consider a statement that I have written about “A Good Marriage” on my website as you consider your response to this picture. It can be viewed here: a good marriage

I would suggest that one of the great qualities of this photo is that it captures the special blessing that comes to couples as they give and receive the special personal expressions of their love and affection for each other. I think that most viewers of this photo will recognize that it is much different than many of the “kissing” photos that are displayed and preserved in most wedding albums. It portrays qualities of tenderness and respect that are very important in any “good” marriage.

As you reflect on this photo and my statement on “A Good Marriage”, what do you see in this photo that illustrates some of the principles that I have given in this statement? Let’s talk about this photo and what it takes to have “a good marriage.

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 Posted by Bob1 at 8:39 am  Tagged with: a matter of opinion, couples, love and affection, marriage, relationships

Gift of emotional support

 About Christianity, Does, Wants  9 Responses »
Jul 102010
 

If you are engaged in giving or receiving emotional support with someone, you are engaged in a process that is a special gift to both of you. You just may be trying to encourage a friend or your spouse who has recently lost his or her job. Maybe a neighbor just came down with a “bug”, and needs some help for a few days. Or maybe one of your coworkers just went through a divorce. Or maybe you are responsible for the ongoing care of an parent who has become disabled by a serious stroke or disease, and they will need a lot of emotional support everyday as they struggle with their changing circumstances. All of the various problems that are currently troubling our society are creating a growing group of thousands of people who are in daily need of some emotional support from someone else. Their cases are reported everyday on the news, particularly if they live in any of the gulf states.

Part of their needs may be financial, but the bigger, more important part, is probably more personal. It has to do with how they are going to adjust to their changing situation. Oil companies, banks, government agencies, and even churches, synagogues, or mosques can’t provide the quality of emotional support that is needed by many people today. Such emotional support can best be provided by a friend who really cares and with whom you don’t need an “appointment” to see.

For some additional commentary on this matter see my statements on encouragement and care givers on my website. There is a big need for this good gift of emotional support in our society today. How much “paper work” should be completed before one can get this type of support? Why can’t the big agencies with money and personnel provide this kind of support? What does a person need in order to provide good emotional support to someone else? Let’s talk about this matter.

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 Posted by Bob1 at 9:15 am  Tagged with: a personal matter, care givers, dependent relationship, emotional support, encouragement, family members, love and affection, relationships

Good neighbors

 About Christianity, General, Lives  42 Responses »
May 242010
 

A good neighbor is a priceless friend. He or she or they are people with whom you can talk. They will watch out for your place without being nosy. They are people from whom you can borrow something, if they have it to lend. They may help you with a project in your home. They respect you and genuinely care about your welfare. They will be supportive and encouraging without being wishy-washy or dishonest. You can depend upon them to be straight with you. You can trust them. They may live on the other side of the wall, on the lot next door or across the street, or down the road apiece, but they are there. One of the greatest compliments that you can pay anyone is to say that he or she is a “good neighbor”. In your opinion what makes a neighbor good? For a comment regarding one quality of this matter see this statement on friendship Are you a good neighbor? What do we need to do in order to be good neighbors? Let’s talk about this.

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 Posted by Bob1 at 10:09 am  Tagged with: a personal matter, friendship, good neighbors, relationships

Benefits of erectile disfunction

 Hears, Thinks, Wants  11 Responses »
Feb 152010
 

The condition of an erectile disfunction in men may have some benefits if us men could see it as a physical reminder that there are other forms of intimate communication with one’s female spouse than sexual intercourse. More “moments” for intimacy are probably missed by men in their relationships with their wives because they weren’t ready to listen to them than because they weren’t ready to engage in sex with them. Many wives would probably have bigger more frequent smiles on their faces if their husbands would only hear and respond to their appeals for their tender strong help and support in the midst of the messy kitchen or the cluttered living room rather than trying to get them to retreat to a peaceful spot outdoors where they could relax naked in “matching bathtubs” (if you get the “picture”). Drug companies could probably make millions of dollars more if they could make a pill that would make male eardrums more sensative to female calls for tender loving help than the variety of pills that they now make to improve the flow of blood in the male’s erectile tissue. E.D. may be the body’s way of telling men that it is time to give more attention to listening to their wives and responding to their needs with tender efforts of help and words of loving appreciation and encouragment than with the physical activity of sexual intercourse. Could there be some good benefits associated with erectile disfunction in men? What do you think? Let’s talk about this.

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 Posted by Bob1 at 10:33 am  Tagged with: a matter of opinion, couples, emotional support, family members, relationships, sexual intercourse
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