Everyone needs to have some good memories. They can give a person a boast on a gloomy day or when you are caught in a depressing mood. And I think that a person must have some good memories in order to form a good self image.  Parts of  various good memories will be used to form your perception of who you are and how you fit into your world.

You don’t have to spend a long time in a reflective thought in order to benefit from a good memory.  Sometimes just the flash of it across your mind will be enough. But it helps if the good memories are vivid enough and strong enough to be easily available when needed.

I assume that good memories are generated by good experiences, which would be experiences in which you received some positive benefit. And good memories probably come out of relationships, so they probably focus on some positive experience that you had with another person. Although I’m sure that it is possible to have a good memory of a time or place or situation when you were alone, and you had a particularly good experience being there by yourself.

Of course good memories are personal treasures. They are absolutely private. No one can invade them, steal them, manipulate them, or even know about them without your permission. Some drugs or psychological techniques can uncover them to others to some extent, but the memories will always be yours.

Photographs and diaries and journals and scrap books and things like those can help to preserve some good memories, but please note that the permanence of such things is never guaranteed. People have lost generations of family photos and personal records in fires and floods and divorces and other personal tragedies. But memories that are stored in one’s mind cannot be destroyed by such circumstances. Dementia caused by Alzheimer’s disease or a stroke or an injury to one’s brain can affect a person’s memories, which often adds a heavy psychological burden to the otherwise physical discomforts of such diseases or injuries. But such personal afflictions are not regular traumas for most people.

So it is well to protect good memories, but what can a person do who may not have many in the first place? A lot of good memories are created by a happy childhood, but not everyone may have had  that blessing.  And sometimes the youth years are full of new tribulations, and the glorious of young adult independence and graduations and weddings and the fulfillment of career ambitions may not be sustained by many good strong memories. What can a person do when the supply of good memories is very scarce?

As long as a person has the mental capacity to make choices, he or she can be selective in what features or experiences in one’s past one wants to dwell upon. If most of your experiences have been negative or not particularly beneficial, don’t go back there very often or stay there very long. Use your present moment for something that is positive. And a good memory may just be buried under a bunch of “garbage” or some “trash” that should have been discarded a long time ago.  Dig through the “garbage” or the “trash” to find that small “gem” of fleeting friendship or personal victory or a moment of laughter that can provide you with a good memory. For some such small “gems”, I invite you to check out some very brief statements that I have written regarding “good news”. You can read them here: good news.

What do you think is the best source of good memories? What are some of the good memories that bless you? How can a person protect them? What can a person do when he or she only has a very few in his or her “treasure” chest. Let’s talk about this.

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Forget about trying to be happy this year. Maybe the best that you can hope for is to be more comfortable. In light of all of the problems facing many people today, it might be pretty good to feel comfortable again. That might come with a stronger economy, or probably with the basic benefit of a job, if you are looking for one. You might feel more comfortable and optimistic about the future if you could see Congress really begin to do something about our national debt. Maybe your discomfort is caused by some health problems or concerns for the health of those whom you love. It is hard to be comfortable if you are nervous or worried much of the time.

Forget about making resolutions for the whole new year. It might be well just to figure out one practical thing that you could do to be more comfortable for several months or more. Being comfortable is a relative matter, being relative to times of discomfort. But in any case it requires that some changes are made, and these changes usually come with some costs. And such costs may be part of the cause of the discomfort. Yet, if you are going to be more comfortable this year, a large part of that comfort is probably going to have to come from your own personal efforts. Perhaps you are mature enough to have learned that very few people can make someone else permanently comfortable, unless it is a doctor who can prescribe a strong drug to kill some one’s pain. And existing in a stupor or sustained by strong drugs is really not living, at least in my opinion.

So, what one thing are you going to do this year to get more comfortable? What change or changes are you going to make in your living situation that you think will improve your level of comfort? Being comfortable for awhile could give you an emotional boost to engage in the next struggle, because you know that there are no guarantees to secure your comfort on the “battlefield” on which we all live. But being comfortable produces a good feeling. Let’s talk about this.

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Everyone needs to feel good about themselves. But such feelings are not acquired automatically. They begin to be felt as a growing child develops a sense of his or her place as an individual in the social structure of a family. The initial feelings are generated by the child’s perceived relationship with his or her parents and how they treat him or her. The child knows that it is good to be cared for and loved, so initially that produces a good self image. But then as the situation in the home changes, another child or more enters the social circle and the issue of competition is felt, the initial good feelings may be impaired or threatened. Or the busy schedule of the parents begins to interfere with the caring attention that they can give to the child, and he or she may begin to wonder why and conclude that something must be wrong with him or her. And this effort to be loved and to be accepted in one’s social circle continues as the child’s circle of other individuals expands to include other relatives, other children outside of the family, classmates in school, and associates in the work place. An individual is constantly striving to achieve and to maintain a good self image.

Part of your self image is generated by how you are treated by others. But it is also affected by what you see when you look into a mirror. In one’s struggle to achieve and to maintain a good self image, when that image is damaged or impaired, it is natural to begin to wonder what is wrong. And one of the first places an insecure person may look for an answer to this question is in a mirror. They may conclude that there must be something wrong with the way I look that causes people around me to reject me or to be mean to me or to withdraw their love from me. Individuals who are going through such a crisis of appearance may go to a lot of effort and expense to try to improve how they look so that they can win the acceptance of those who are important to them in their social circle.

Or if they are a child with limited resources to make some changes that they think might help to solve this problem, they may become depressed or very angry with their inability to improve their social situation and their self image. We all know individuals who are struggling with poor self images or we have gone through times of such struggles ourselves. Perhaps we’ve seen the struggle in our teen-aged children as they try to find their places in a very critical crowd of other teenagers. Or we face the issue and the questions as we try to adjust to a broken marriage or a lost job.

And in many cases where an individual is struggling with a poor self image, he or she seeks to find something that will enable him or her to escape the bad feelings, something that will dull the pains, cloud the bad image in the mirror, or attract some attention that may for a moment provide some experience of being accepted. For many girls and women that personal commodity is sex. For many boys and men the solution to this problem is found in drugs or violence.

What do you think helps a person to develop and to maintain a good self image? What can a person do to correct a poor self image? What should parents be doing to help their children grow up with a good self image? Let’s talk about this.

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Think for a moment about what is an idea. I did that this morning about 4:30, and the process got me out of bed to write this post. An idea is just part of the ways our brains function to give us some directions in how we act and think moment by moment through the course of our daily lives.

The process goes something like this: we EXPERIENCE something, then we attach a MOOD to that experience/OK/bad/good, then we REFLECT on that experience and mood to expand and to refine it, and it becomes a THOUGHT, and then we connect it with other somewhat similar THOUGHTS, and that creates an IDEA, and then we further refine the IDEA with more reflective THINKING until it becomes a PLAN, and then we implement the PLAN through a personal course of ACTION. This process may only take a few moments, if we are quick to act without thinking too much, or it may take years, or it may take an hour or so as it did with me this morning as I went through the process of getting up, having some breakfast, turning on my computer, and beginning to write this post.

And this process of moving from EXPERIENCE  + MOOD + REFLECTION +THOUGHT+PLAN to ACTION is a very personal process. No one can really exercise control over you in the process or stop you from engaging in it. They may try to help you to refine your THINKING by TEACHING you some LESSONS, and they may even exercise some controls over your behavior, particularly if they are your parents or the enforcers of the law,  or they may ENCOURAGE  you to ACT on the idea if they believe that it is ultimately good, but even these influences are not absolute in their effects.  So we each go on with our lives, some writing posts on a computer, others going to work everyday, others looking for work every day, some making political speeches, others trying to make some sense out of these speeches and their experiences so that they can decide how to vote or to PLAN what to do NEXT.  And many of us are trying to use this process to improve our personal relationships with others and to have more GOOD experiences in our daily lives.

The specific IDEA behind this blog is that it can really be beneficial to give some serious THOUGHT to WHAT IS GOOD in our lives and to share these THOUGHTS with others in order to clarify and to reinforce what is REALLY GOOD in our lives. And this is what I’m trying to do as a write these posts and invite you to share with me and with others your comments regarding some very common experiences and concerns that we all encounter every day in our lives.

What good ideas have you had lately? What made them good? What did you do about them? What was the outcome of your action? Let’s talk about this.

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Everyone wants to have good relations, especially with family members and a few friends. Isn’t that right? But they apparently are not automatically established. Individuals are different, even those in the same family. They do not always see things in the same way. They may often respond to circumstances and encounters differently. And individuals are subject to changes in their moods, interests, and needs as they grow older. So establishing good relations is an ongoing challenging process, but it is an important part of being a human and living with other humans.

What are the qualities that are present in good relations? What do you think that it takes to establish good relations with other individuals? What personal  attitudes and behavior are necessary within and from individuals if they are going to be able to establish and to maintain good relations with others?

I would suggest that a person who wants to have good relations with others must first be a person who has the virtue of  character. Then he or she must be able and willing to share the gifts of forgiveness and encouragement to others for their offensive actions and attitudes and their efforts to make good changes in their lives and relationships. For further insight into these qualities see these statements on my website: “character”, “forgiveness”, and “encouragement”. Let’s talk about this.

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I think that most of us would agree that a good night’s sleep is a blessing. When we can awake refreshed and ready for another day, that is a good feeling. Although daily sleep and rest is a natural function of one’s body, a lot of people apparently have some trouble completing this function. Michael Jackson apparently died because of a dose of drugs or medicine that he regularly took to get to sleep each night. That is really sad to die because he couldn’t get a good night’s sleep. I don’t know what kept him awake a night, but some common causes of insomnia are worry, depression, other psychological problems, physical pain or other factors of discomfort, erratic hours or other life-style factors, sleep apnea, and reactions from drugs. The “right” mattress might help, but I think that the “right” mental mood might be more helpful to enable a person to get a good night’s sleep. What do you think? Let’s talk about this.

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I’m old enough to recognize that sex is not as good as it is sometimes claimed to be, but I’m not yet sure about chocolate. What do you think about these matters and others that we commonly consume? What makes them good? Let’s talk about this.

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